Evan's Day

I hate anniversaries, that one day of the year that you must remember that particular person, thing, event.  Huge guilt if you forget, huge relief that you got off that facebook post or email or text or God forbid phone call or note to the person on time.  But this anniversary is by the far the worst day of all, remembering that three years ago was the last time I touched, kissed, smelled, and gazed upon my perfect boy.  On the other hand, I love every note, text, call, card, email and hug I have received reminding me you too will never forget my vibrant boy.

Today is also a day of HOPE and PEACE.  We had HOPE for Evan due to two strangers donating their baby’s cord blood.  We have peace knowing Evan is perfect and healed and wreaking havoc in Heaven, the one child of mine I don’t have to spend any time worrying about.  For this I am grateful.

I am also grateful for the journey with Evan and all the families we have met along the way, as I have gained perspective most will never have.  I want to share some of that right now.  Always a dog “fan”, I wouldn’t say “lover”, but most of my life I have owned a dog.  And certainly have wonderful memories for one particular childhood dog, Mickey, who would greet me by running all the way down the street from where my mom would stand at the bottom of the driveway waiting for me.  He got hit by a car right outside my house and I still feel sadness when thinking about that day some 35 years later.

When my fabulous adult boxer dog Hurley passed suddenly this summer, a wonderful end of life, just like Evan had, my family immediately talked of getting another dog just like Hurley, as he gave a lot of love to each of us including Evan. Once again I knew how lucky Hurley was going to Heaven to spend eternity with Evan, lucky dog!!  Anyways,  Riley came along a few weeks later, similar marking as Hurley, after a long internet search by Alaina Baby.  While they all wanted him, I was the one in charge, and I took my job seriously, having our dog trainer out not 12 hours after we brought Riley home. 

All other puppies I have owned, and there have been many, I have absolutely NO recollection of that puppy phase, being to young or to busy, getting Hurley when the twins were only toddlers, I don’t remember anything at all.  This time around, my little Rye Rye is my baby.  He slept with us as a puppy, now by the side of my bed since he takes up too much room.  I would find myself outside in the middle of the night with him, and instead of complaining, realizing how lucky I was to be able to experience the quiet and beauty of the night sky, something I had not done to this intensity since I was camping as a kid lying under the stars as my dad taught me about the constellations. Wonderful memories.  Or in the early morning, when not running from the house to the car, when I could literally smell the fresh start of the new day, hear the waves a few blocks away,  listen to the birds chirping, paying attention to the beauty of life.  And now that we can finally take him out in public, shots all done, the hikes and park adventures are more fabulous then I could possible communicate in writing.  To let him off his leash to just run and romp like a fawn through the bushes and tall grass, to chase rabbits and birds, to smell EVERYTHING, to have his company when my human friends are not able to join me, all bring me so much joy, joy that I don’t believe I would be privy to without this new perspective. 

Just returned from mass celebrating All Soul’s Day, a short, but perfect message to start this day.  Going to do a little exercise and then head down to Evan’s Beach to begin our Novena with a few close friends and Mary on the phone.  Today is Evan’s day. Today we will drink Izzes and have his favorite foods, chicken nuggets and French fries, and today we will celebrate the grace God has given to this grieving mother to be able to take our tragedy and help prevent others from suffering like us. All because of the perspective God and Evan has graced us with.

g