Always thankful....

Sitting outside on my balcony, something I NEVER ever do, enjoying the view, the freedom I have, the blessing I can see very clear in my life, yet at the same time, feeling my sorrow. In most moments of my life, what I have endured will be forever present. Even this morning at CrossFit, and if you don’t know what this workout is, let me just tell you that during every workout you are competing not only with yourself, but all those that are in your group, AND you feel like puking during each and every workout. Yet, we all continue to go back. Weird!! The last leg of workout was a 400 yard run. At first I thought of my running for my sister Lou, my friend Evelyn, Evan, and then I realized I don’t need to run for them, they are free and healed and enjoying salvation. Instead I was running for all those in the fight who can’t run, for Elaine and Ward and Tim and Patricia and Lyndsey and Molly and Andy and RJ and Jeremy and Jack and John and so many others. Knowing that I have the privilege of running while they don’t even have the option and I know how much they would love to be FREE again. And tears came to my eyes.

Even before Evan’s death, when I would run I would always think about my sister Lou and my friend Evelyn, and they would be my driving force to get me up the hill. I didn’t realize they didn’t need me, that they were in paradise and I didn’t need to mourn for their loss of life, I needed to celebrate it. My perspective is different now. I understand the hell all those in the fight are enduring and I know how much they would love to have the ability to do what I am doing, and I want them to know that I think of them always. While they may not hear from me daily, I read their words, I pray for them, and I am hopeful that their lives on this earth will be fully restored. I have HOPE.

I have mentioned several times on FB that last week was brutal. I had 7 drives in 5 days and worked 6 days in a row, but thankfully was rewarded with Mary’s surprise visit home on Friday (I was the only one who knew). I know what makes the donor events so difficult for me, and I can actually control my stress level due to what I learned this week. I noticed that if I didn’t have to “hear” people tell me “not interested” or “no thanks”, that I can work day after day, hour after hour, signing up donors. But when I have to experience someone telling me ‘NO” to my face, then it is a whole ‘nother ball game. I can’t take it. My anxiety level goes up and I HATE what I am doing in my new life. And so by the end of Tuesday, while I had brought close to 100 donors to registry in two days, I was a cooked goose. I had done two presentations to my friend’s biology labs at Mt. SAC, and fyi, my success rate is well over 80% at these drives where I speak and then swab them. We could not figure our what went down with these two classes, but less than 20% in each class signed on. And boy did I feel like a failure. I was sad and mad and just wanting to throw in the towel. Wednesday was a slow but successful day where all I had to do was seal the deal, my vols took care of everything else, and then Thursday I ended up at a Bible College where I got many “God bless yous” bestowed on me throughout the day and sixty something donors to boot, and I had renewed faith in mankind. Then Mary came to town and all was right in the world.

Saturday I was up at 4:45am to get ready for Donate Life Walk/Run, where we were able to honor Mary and all organ donors who have given life. 10,,000 people were at the event this year and it was again a privilege to “know” about and be part of the transplant world. Thanks to my dozen volunteers, we brought another 103 individuals to the registry.

Of course I failed to mention that this was also the anniversary of the day our world was turned upside down four years ago with Evan’s diagnosis. As well as the day that Mary told Kelly that she was Dom’s donor three years ago. As well as Derek’s Confirmation day in the Catholic Church. Mary, Derek and I rushed back to San Clemente just in time, where we met up with the grandmas, Derek’s Godmother my sister Chris, our friend Brooke, Derek’s sponsor our friend Diane, and Mark. This is where Mark got his surprise that Mary was in town, as he was down in San Diego with Alaina for a big water polo tourney for the weekend.

After lunch with Derek at his choice, sushi, Mary and I spent the afternoon at Evan’s beach, as Derek had to study (AP tests this week) and Mark headed back to San Diego. Sunday was spent in San Diego watching Alaina play polo, and in between more girl time with our cousins in Del Mar. Nothing like a little impromptu girl’s weekend.

Yesterday I was back work at a local college and the rest of the week I will play catch up , the price for being away from the computer and office work for a week. Love being home in my house, surrounded my Evan, and thanking God for the blessed life He has given me.

Evan’s mom
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